Dream Eater

This blog is inspired by the comments of Ethan Singer, Associate Vice President for Academic Affairs at San Diego State University.

For the last three months there has been resistance from the community against the removal of the SDSU local admission guarantee policy. The guarantee allowed all students in the SDSU service area, who were CSU Eligible, admission to the university.

According to Singer, changes in the policy were to ensure the admission of students with the highest level of academic preparation. Some screamed academic elitism others cried institutional racism, but most recognized that the policy would undoubtedly deny access to Latino students who reside within the service area. A true tragedy in the fight for access to higher education.

Singer continued, “We have great students from the San Diego area, but we also have a mass of students that are really underprepared, in the same classroom with people with 3960 eligibility and above.” 3960, is a number that refers to the eligibility index which is created with high school grades and SAT/ACT test score. Singer commented, “You have to look at academic preparation even more so than you have in the past.”

So the focus is on academic preparation.

Latino and low socioeconomic students have consistently seen years and patterns of subordination, exclusion, and marginalization by K-12 educational institutions. Equal educational opportunities is non-existent in our public education system. For many Latinos the system has failed them through serious underfunding, inadequate facilities, lack of instructional equipment, untrained teachers, and various other reasons.

Our communities to continue struggling in order to create the changes that many earlier civil rights leaders dreamt about and fought for in the past. Unfortunately, their dreams, especially the dream of equal educational opportunity and full access to college, are not yet a reality. Drop out rates continue to hover around the fiftieth percentile for Latino students on a local, state, and national level. In addition, many Latino students from lower socio-economic communities do not have the luxury to leave their communities and enroll in universities away from home.

In spite of economic difficulties, educational inequality and lack of academic preparation in middle and high school, Latino students have enrolled, persisted, and graduated from the CSUs. It is the resiliency of our community that has helped Latinos overcome the inequities and succeed. The removal of the Local Admit Guarantee policy has united the Latino community and remind us of the struggle we are still in to create true equity in our society.

I do not write this in frustration or anger, but with optimism for the future. This is a call to action, this is a response to the dream killing policy SDSU has enacted. I am a Latino who was academically unprepared, one who could not afford to leave my family, and attended my service area CSU. There I found an opportunity to succeed, I thrived, and became the first college graduate of my family. I am a product of the CSU system and I advocate for its affordable and quality education it provides. I believe in the saying "Education is the true equalizer," I will continue to work for access and success for my community and help them progress through education.

Esta La Victoria Siempre.

Things I've learned at 25

1. Its okay to shop like a kid. You can still buy your cereal based on the free toy you get.
2. Its is never okay to go to a bar that advertises Jager Bombs as their special of the night. For that matter, avoid any club with the "18 to get in, 21 to get down" slogan, nothing good has ever come of it.
3. Black lights should not be in your possession after turning 23 or becoming junior in college, which ever comes first.
4. Its okay to fall in love, that's part of life.
5. Do not relate women to cars, wine, milk, animals or any other object, they are all poor analogies.
6. When you do turn 25, find a better reason to celebrate than lower auto insurance rates, that's just sad if you do.
7. Joining a Greek organization was one of the best decisions I ever made. Find your niche.
8. Many of life's problems are out of your control, do not stress. Be like a Captain who steers his ship through rough water...He does not control the seas, only his vessel. So focus on the things you do have control over.
9. Love your friends, love your family, but love yourself first. You can't make others happy without being happy yourself.
10.
11.
12.





This list continues, I'm going to bed.

Afflicated at The Rail

As some of you may know, I love my Nordys and the Rail. Great customer service, good fashion, and cool threads...Today I went shopping for a Button-down black t-shirt and it took me about 30 minutes to find it.

Why is it so hard to buy a simple black long sleeve shirt. I don't want skulls on my back, bat wings on my shoulders, affliction running across my chest, metal studs, or gold foil. When did these crazy designs become fashionable? I just want a classic black shirt.

A day I need chocolate chip cookie dough and Bravo

I don't really know where to start. But I guess this blog begins with disappointment. A disappointment I have felt for years. Included in this disappointment are feelings of anger, resentment, and detachment. For many years I have struggled with the interesting dynamic my family presents. No family is truly "functional" and all have their problems, but some more than others. In this dysfunctionality, I think of my relationship with my father; the drug/alcohol abuse, the lack of support, the abandonment, and disconnect. For years I've tried to mend the relationship, trying to pieces together a history that was never there and recreating father-son experiences robbed by selfishness. Although my father returned to the family, it was too late for me to create a connection...I had grown-up with teachers and community mentors piecing together a reliable "father figure."

This idea started yesterday, when I was asked my favorite childhood memory....I couldn't think of one...maybe I'm a pessimist, but the things i do remember of my childhood include yelling, fighting, separations and bring feelings of isolation...

Combined with these feelings are my family's expectations to be the guidance counselor and college guru to every relative I know. Although, I make a difference in hundreds of students lives...to them it means nothing unless I also provide that effort and support to my relatives. This pressure is greatest with my one and only brother. He is ten years younger than I and the most important part of my life and the reason I stay connected with my family is to make sure he is doing okay. The last two years have brought upon arguments between my parents and I to take custody of him and be his legal guardian. There are many reasons I feel fit to raise my brother and help him progress through his teenage years. Regardless, I want the best for him and the goals he has for himself. Currently, is future career is a professional angler (Sports Fishermen) and I love it!

What it comes down to is...I hate knowing my family has leniency to get away with these things. I like to be in control, in control of my emotions, I thrive on knowing that only I create and influence my emotions. I dislike knowing that people (family) can have such an influence on my emotions and the way I feel. This might extend to my relationships and my uncomfortableness with emotions and knowing that I can make some feel great/horrible with my words and actions. When I get that feeling I self-destruct that relationship...I isolate myself because then, only I can influence my emotions.

I can't deal with the emotionally drain actions and decisions they make. I think to myself, what is the best way to distance myself, yet stay connected with my family. How do you deal with this unhealthy relationship? When you have an unhealthy relationship with a friend...its easy to cut the friendship...but how does it go when its a family member, a father or Mother? How do you renegotiate that relationship on your own terms? I don't want to be let down, have my hopes crushed, and be waiting for something that never happens. (Hmm, I get it)

I should have been enjoy a nice vacation with my family, but instead I am writing this blog and still patiently waiting...

The Public Library: A Savage Garden

Oh the hustle and bustle of a public library, truly one of my favorite places to be. One of the first things I do after moving to a new city is apply for a public library card. I seem to have an affinity with public libraries. It grows from my fascination of books, literature, and the acquisition of knowledge. Childrens books, young adult, fiction, government publication, references, and multimedia; all housed under one roof.

On an given day, a child could be reading their first words... an immigrant learning English with the language acquisition programs available...an under-resourced student who lacks a computer, internet, or printer can be on equal terms with anyone else...or a grandson can be assisting his grandmother with her citizenship test in the midst of all the great books on America's history and its political structure.

One day, I want to be a "Patron of the Library." When I grow old and no longer want to work in higher education I will volunteer at a public library. Chilling at 75, working a reference desk or assisting students with the Dewey decimal system. After writing this is it too late to get a Masters in Library Science?

This has been a "me" day. One were I escape the real world, just like people do when they read a book, and focus on myself. I am glad to have had this time to reflect. I am also glad for the readers of this blog who understand me and enjoy my stuff.

4-6353

Today I received a mix-tape from a new friend. The disc was an eclectic jumble of songs intended to heal the soul. This was just what I need. The first track was Modest Mouse-The world at large. Hearing the sounds, I felt a sense of warmth and appreciated the nice gesture. I love music for its inherent power to make you feel. It's the feeling of interconnectedness, you know when you hear a song, listen to the lyrics and let it soak...you are washed over by the words and feel like the artist is sing to you and your experiences....at that point you can sit and listen or sing along at the top of your lungs then magically, you feel better.

That my friends is Stereo Therapy.

Today is one of those days, I feel connected to the music. Listening to these tunes reminds me of where I am, where I come from, and where I want to go. Reflecting over these past few days, I realize I have become a better version of myself. I am caring, understanding, and allow emotions to show. Things seen as a weakness are now seen as parts of me I can share and enjoy with others. I am my true-self not a distorted reflection I like to create. I am happy with myself and the person I am. I have the world in front of me and ready to experience life again. 9 months is not so far way, see you in a bit May 2010.


Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

Avientame

Por un momento estaba perdido en algo hermoso. Ahora no se como me siento o lo que viene manana. Estoy perdido, per reconoscoso que amores perros.

Con las decisiones y las emociones tengo un apagador, que se apaga y se enciende, ayudando me ser frio. Un los ultimos dias es apagador a parado de trabajo y me alegro.

Para ser honesto, no se que decir. Lo que si se, es que esto alegre de estar en esta situacion. Gracis a ti veo una mejor version de mi. Mi objetivo para le ano ira ser una persona mejor. Ser una persona mejor mostrando emociones real, aumentar la participacion de mi comunidad, y aprender a amar de nuevo. Gracis por compartir tu ser y renovar la fe en mí mismo.

Solo porque lo sientes, no significa que esta alli.

A Duck Pond in Central Park

Taking a break from work, I decided to start restocking my bookcases. Since I moved out of my condo in June, I hadn't seen the loves of my life, my books! The had been suffocating in recycled Costco boxes and plastic containers. The first shelf I organized consisted of philosophy and political thought. Books by John Stuart Mill, Marx, Dostoevsky, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Albert Camus. By the smell of one, I was transported to my sophomore year of undergraduate...hoovering over my old self...I saw myself in a 3am discussion with my roommate on nihilism, existentialism, and various world views.
Some of you might think I am crazy, but I know how my books smell and appreciate it. Each book provides a fond memory and connects me to my past, a certain feeling, or life experience. I am particular about my books, the way I organize them, and how and if I lend them. The ones I lend are for my friends and staff to enlightenment themselves. I treat them to the delicacies Bertrand Russell, Jack Keroauc, and Paulo Freire wrote. The books closest to me...the ones in my heart and mind, can never be shared. Those pages keep my inner most thoughts and retain a part of my past. In those manuscripts, I am connected to a previous time and space I have occupied...in each I leave a piece of myself and also take a piece of it; I am Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye), David Brower (Encounter with the Arch Druid), Sal Paradise (On the Road), Meursault (L'etranger), Demetrio Macías (Los de Abajo), Don Quixote, and Artemio Cruz (La Muerte de Artemio Cruz).

To the woman I love...

Dear mama,

You are appreciated. The last few years I have de-celebrated your birthday and skimpped out on visiting you, getting you a Rad gift or at the very least sending you flowers. I give you a call, say "happy birthday", but its lacked the emphasis it needs. At the very least, your birthday, should be a day where you are reminded of everything you have provided me: unconditional love, continuous support, and resources to succeed. And these things I describe didn't come easy either. For many years, you raised me by yourself and your love was never lacking. During that time you worked three jobs, ya you missed some of my school activities, but I never missed a meal, a notebook, a backpack, or money to go see a movie. Through adversity, you stood there as my rock. As other family members left me, you were the constant, picking up the slack for a missing father. I can never express how much your resolve, resiliency, and optimism influenced me and shape the person I am now. Everyday, I am empowered by your memories and love. My success is attributed to you and the change I make in my community is a way to represent you.

Your birthday is eight days away and I have plenty of time to create/buy/send something great for your birthday. I think this birthday is more symbolic because I will soon be 25 years old, no longer a child, but not yet a grown man. I still think the best gift for your birthday is acknowledgment and appreciation.


I finally understand
for a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man, but you always was committed
A poor single mother (on welfare), tell me how ya did it?
There's no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated

And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things that you did for me
And even though I act craaazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
You are appreciated
- Tupac

No quarters necessary

I don't need it now, but I want it soon. I want to live where there are no quarters necessary. A place, where you have the freedom and creativity to decorate as you wish. No need to call your landlord to upgrade or paint something. I think owning a home/loft/condo provides peace of mind. In our current economic recession that may not seem true. I believe in having your own driveway, backyard, garage, and Man-Cave. Sometimes I daydream what it is like to go to the Home Depot, look at color palettes and decided "I think ill paint my house this color."

Okay, no need to jump into color schemes and accent walls. Ill talk about the simply "luxurious" like having multiple couches, a bbq grill, ability to entertain more than 4 guests comfortably, and a garage to store my tools. By tools I mean a 5 piece Ikea Fixa toolbox. I'm a dreamer and believer, so its hard to stay focused in the now, the present. I think 2 years, 5 years, 10 years from now, dreaming knowing where I want to be. I am nine months away from attain my Masters and enjoying the flexibility to move anywhere across the country. I want to "start" my life. I am 25, unmarried, ready to conquer the world and create my happiness. My hard work has provide some great opportunities and I look to take full advantage of them. I am happy where I am now, but I look forward to the day I do not need a parking permit or worry about having enough quarters for laundry. This was a quick post. Time to fold my laundry and get ready for Sunday Brunch!

OMG, You watch that stuff

I don't really watch TV, but when I do, I make it Bravo. Ever since I discovered this source of entertainment, I have been hooked! This is one of the best ways I relax and take my mind off work, research, school, and the such. I love watching BRAVO TV! Yes, I said it, I love the Bravo programming. Last night it was NYC Prep and I was glued to the TV, its not really the content or quality, its just mindless entertaining TV. Sometimes I feel like in chilling on the upper west side too. At the end of the show I thought PC and I could be like BFFs! Before NYC Prep,it was the Real Housewives of New Jersey, uh, that was a great season with the constant arguing, the flipping of tables, and cat fights! L O V E I T! Plus isn't it great you can catch up on your shows with the mini-marathons they have before the newest episode.

Two shows I am excited to return.... Top Chef: Las Vegas and Flipping Out. Top Chef is simply amazing and the city they will tape the season in, Vegas, is my favorite city. Why Flipping Out? If you read the bio, you would think its just like any other HGTV/TLC house flipping show. Not so fast my friends, with Jeff at the center of the ring, just like a circus, its rarely about the houses and more about his crazy emotions. Why else do I love it? Zoila! Zoila is the "housekeeper" and the star on the show, maybe I feel that why because my granny's name is Zoila, and where also in modern tv has their been a cast member named Zoila? Exactly.

Other Shows I love that aren't airing: Work Out, Kathy G. on the D List, Million Dollar Listing, Project Runway (Auf Wiedersehen), Millionaire Matchmaker, Shear Genius...

Shows I haven't given the chance: Miami Social and the Fashion Show.


Seacrest Out!

Pay your dues

Its all about respect and putting in time. Everyday, I hear... "pay your dues," "stick it out for a year or two," or "just get the experience and move on." I get it! No one becomes a director in a week or a university president in a year. But to limit someones voice and invalidated their lived experiences is another thing. Yes, I am a graduate student, but I also have life experience, a commitment to social justice, passion towards assisting students and a never-ending hope that education moves are people forward.

My idea on paying your dues...If I want to become a doctor, I don't mind sweeping the hospital floors, if I know the overall experience would be beneficial. But, it seems like i'm taking out the trash and will never be seen as a potential physician... I am a humble person, hard to believe, I do not think any task is menial, I am above nothing. I believe in the "I wouldn't ask someone to do something, I wouldn't do" philosophy. In my practice, I give max effort and energy. As of late though, the work I do doesn't motivate me, the environment I work in is drastically change from what I once knew it as, and I feel it deteriorating my work-ethic and "spirit."


Bottom line, my goal in life is to improve society and help my community overcome obstacles and empowering them to achieve their dreams. This can take on many forms, but I have chosen progressing my community through educational outreach. I Know that education is the greatest transformative agent in society. With that being said, I have no problem, being in an entry-level position for years, doing what I LOVE. I have no issue "paying my dues" and putting in years of effort to progress my aspirations.

I am free willed, an independent thinker, and hate hierarchical structures. I need to move forward and find an environment the feeds into my passion and helps me progress.


Where are you in your life? What aspirations do you still seek? Have you been complacent in life? Are you moving forward and following your dreams? What hinders you from being successful? What do you want to accomplish next?

These are questions I will ask myself to continual self-assess my progress in life. Helping me reflect on where I've been and where I want to go.

Jungle Cruise

So I just returned from a great weekend of visiting family and friends. Friday was dedicated to my grandparents and chilling with them was awesome! I love hang out with my family, retracing my roots, and slowing life down. Saturday was all about the college buddies and fraternity brothers. JHAB, was awesome and it was great to reconnect and see the progress my friends have made since graduating college. Today was spent on quality time with my younger brother, which included hanging out at the happiest place on earth, Disneyland! Pretty tired from the drive back, but decided to write a quick post.

So a couple things have been running through my mind. First, the idea of "success as the best type of revenge." Think about it... everyone in their life, some more than others, have been disregarded, underestimated, over-looked, doubted or been told you "you cant do that" or "you will never become that." The black child who tells his doctor he wants to be just like him, just to get told "you'll never be one." Later on in life, that same boy becomes a world-renowned physician. Or a peasant women from the fields of Guatemala, being underestimated/disregarded for being a women. Deprived of schooling, she self educates and wins a Nobel peace prize. Even in my community, kids being told the wouldn't make it in life, they should drop out, sell drugs or join the military. They turn around, deny the haters their pleasure and become college graduates! The resiliency of these types of people is astounding! I have also found myself standing victorious over my nay-sayers and doubters, and it feels great. I am realizing the best response to oppressive/negative ill-will is success. It is the the power to overcome all the doubts and succeed; surpassing expectation and crushing peoples hopes for your failure. If you are reading this, I am sure you have had a situation or experience you can relate to. How great does it feel when you prove someone wrong? I equate that feeling to stick my middle fingers in the air and saying "look at me now, puto!" Okay, I know its not proper to flip someone off or taunt or say "puto," but that is the feeling I get. Middle Fingers in the air, asking people to keep doubting me, because they only fuel my drive and success.

And the second idea floating around my mind is having the "fear of failure, fueling your success"... Goodnight y'all, keep living that West LA lifestyle!

Change the Channel!

There are some movies for me, that I hate to watch. I dislike the anxiety I get from anticipating "that scene." The intense scene, the death scene, the seen you wish could have an alternate version. Some films, I hate to watch because I know what happens next, but wish I could change, but know I cant.

In those particular movies, the scene is as raw and new has the first time I experienced it....

Independence Day: When the crazy dad, who was always ridiculed for believing in aliens, sacrifices himself to save the world, his family and flies his plane into the spaceship.

RENT: When 'with out you' plays you know that Angel's death is next. Angel is my favorite character: young, loving, Latino...but his death is untimely, reminding us 'life is short, do not put off your dreams...'


What movie(s) makes you feel the way I do?

If you dont love me, let me go...

So today has been a long day of research, reading, and reflection. I started off with doing my Professional Competencies research....that went well. Then I moved on to my research on racial microaggression and it led me to do a quick analysis of twitter and the overtly racist/prejudice tweets easily accessible on the site. Now, I am just reflecting on myself, my practice, and my life. I have always been an advocate of stereo therapy or just listen to music to make you feel better. Listening to a specific track can make me happy, make me remember good times or take me back twelve years. Music, its melody and lyrics, has the power to take you back in time, relive great or negative experiences, but overall music has the power to make you feel good. So either play a song with your earphones or blast the volume on your speakers and sing off the top of your lungs. Do it, it will make you feel great!


This blog will be a continuous blog, that includes a collection of verses that make me remember, relive, or reflect. I encourage you to comment and share what lyrics move you.


First Five:
The Decemberists: The Engine Driver
And if you don't love me let me go
I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones

Brand New: Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't
i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.

Kanye West: Tell Everyone you Know
Babygirl I'm finished
I thought we were committed
I thought we were cemented
I really thought we meant it
Cause we were once a fairy tale
But this is farewell

Notorious B.I.G.: Juicy
We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us
No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us
Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
'Cause I went from negative to positive
And it's all good...

Wicked: Defying Gravity
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

TSwift

Just an update

I was updating my Ed-Join.org profile and I came across the job description of 'Outreach Community Liaison.' Being in a position like that would be making up for all the opportunities my friends/students lacked growing up in Anaheim. I don't wanna be a "Catcher in the Rye" but this job is a difference maker, at least in its description. Helping at risk students stay on track to go to college, graduate HS, or just escape the streets, what more could a person ask to do in life?. The more and more I think about it, I love the K-12 System. Especially now with this "race to the top," we need people who will still focus on those students/schools that are left behind, the ones who are underestimated and misunderstood.

Job Description
Assist with the identification of the District’s at-risk students and recommend District schools and/or alternative education programs which would best serve the student’s individual education needs.

Communicate with each school in the District regarding attendance problems including no-shows, forty-five day referrals and other specific cases; work cooperatively with school, community and District personnel.

Oversee the operating procedures of the Outreach office and assign work to others as assigned by the position.

Maintain open communication with various community agencies and with local community centers; maintain current knowledge of gang awareness programs and gang prevention.

Locate and refer students on the street back into school.

Meet with and apprise the site administrator of daily activities; assist the site administrator in controlling potential issues as necessary.

Monitor, instruct and conduct negotiations with pupils, parents, administrators and others.

Assist with in-service of intern social workers.

Drive a personal vehicle to make home visits as necessary.


Minimum Qualifications
Graduation from high school supplemented by specialized training in working with high risk students and two years of experience dealing with high risk students in an educational institution.

Hello, My Name is Earl

So, lately I've been getting feedback about my personality and approachability. This is something I have work hard on for the last four years. I use to acknowledge that I was stoic and displayed a detachment form emotions, but now I understand that is not the best way to be. As always, I acknowledge my flaw and working on becoming a better version of me.

I don't want to be bubbly, but I also don't want to seem unapproachable or unhappy. Peoples feedback is usually "smile more," "show off your personality" or "its okay to show a piece of yourself, you don't always have to try to be perfect... let people see your cracks." I think I have had enough feedback to realize that I am not the most approachable person and that my personality doesn't send rays of sunshine. I am a happy person, I think I am a very social person, but I also tend not to invest "myself" easily. Time to move forward...

"I'm just trying to be a better person" -earl hickey

The Edge of Reason: Amount of time in a Day

Just like finishing a good book, finish a good blog is near impossible. A colleague of mine just shared

...good blog posts, like good college essays, come flowing out... work on the idea in your brain. then let it flow onto the screen... Thanks Jen!

For the last week I have been working on a blog about Defying Gravity aka being able to reach my dreams...but then I was frozen. Before writing that blog, I need to decide what those dreams were, which led me to a totally different discussion. I was talking about my current status, where the people who surround me: colleagues, peers, faculty, and mentors all encourage me and say my potential is limitless. Which is a stark contrast to what I was told in elementary and secondary school. But, that stuff is covered in the upcoming blog, completion date-->TBD.

So dreams and aspirations: I currently have many paths I can take after gradation, a Fulbright Research Grant, a Doctoral Program, move into an Outreach/Student Support services position, travel abroad or work as an educational researcher. I'm applying to a few different fellowship programs, research grants, and the Fulbright Scholarship program (maybe some doc programs too). These program all have personal statements that must accompany them. In thinking about writing them, I should just let the ideas flow. I am confident in my knowledge and mastery of ceratin educational areas: access,equity, educational pipeline, and issues that peratin to first generation students. As reminded earlier, what has worked for me is a piece of paper and pencil. My first drafts are always hand written and the content just "flows" out of my head, and usually these drafts led to great papers, articles, and the such. I just need to remember to simplify, take the time to sit down and write.


Also, I am disappointed with the amount of time I dedicate to reading. Currently on my desk at work, shelf at home, and passenger seat I have some great books half read. At work I have, "The Color of Success: Race and High Achieving Urban Youth" by Gil Conchas and "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell; in my room I have "Contemporary Latin American Social and Political Thought: An anthology" ed. by Ivan Marquez; and in my car I have Critical race counterstories along the chicana/chicano educational pipeline" by Tara Yosso and "Ethnicity matters: Rethinking how black, hispanic, and indian students prepare for and succeed in college" ed. by MaryBenton Lee. All these great books, which I started with such enthusiasm, I just dropped by the wayside. I am sorry to the manuscripts I have undervalued and left unfinished. I promise you all I will read and enjoy the pages that were carefully crafted by your authors. And yes, these are my "reading for enjoyment" books. In the last couple days, I have been nagged to read fictional books and the such, but lack an interest in reading them.

Hey Mama, Thanks for that Inspiration!

Maternal Love: Support and Limitation.

My mom and GMa (mothers) have been my #1 supporters. I am lucky to have had two people in my life provide unconditional love and unrelenting support for my dreams and aspirations. They showcased a strong work ethic and resiliency, something I could model my life after.

The support has been there all my life, from preschool to college, and it still follows me now. My mothers provided me with the resources I needed to succeed; the academic culture was embedded in my life as a toddler. I can remember being four years old and spend my afternoons at the Anaheim Central Public Library. I walked there after school and staying away from the trouble in my neighborhood. I read books about whales, fall of the Roman Empire, and volcanoes. I would stay until closing time, hearing the bedtime stories read at 8pm. It was my home away from home; my grandma instilled a strong educational background founded on reading.

I don’t remember when it happened, between my mothers focus on education, absorbing the environment of the library, and personal initiative, I took on a scholar identity. As a student, I always tried my best and anything less was disappointing. I remember, always striving for the “High Flyer” award given to students who showed great academic ability during a particular month. When I was recognized for my achievements, it was hard for my mothers to attend the assembly when the awards were giving. My mothers, they both worked all day, and missed most of the assemblies. It was usually only twice a year were I could show off my school work and have my teachers say how great I was: Back to School Night/ Parent Conferences.

As Latinos, there is part of our culture that limits the opportunities of our children. Something I would call Latino filial piety, where we must obey our parents at all cost because the always know best. There is a generalization in the Latino Community that our parents keep us at home until we are 30 or burden us to assist in bread winning at a young age (Limit our social, individual, and intellectual growth and development). These generalizations were true for me; I started working at twelve cleaning offices with my parents. Upon graduating high school, I was limited in distance to attending a college within minutes of my parents home. But what else could I expect? My mother, my cousins, and other Latino friends lived with their parents until age 27, 30 and beyond. Education is a priority, but we set geographic limitations and expect higher education to conform to our terms/norms. They want us to get educated, but do not understand the difference between Fullerton College, Cal State Fullerton, and UCLA. To my family, they were all the same…they were all just colegios. This is part of the Latino culture, especially for immigrant parents, that needs to change…that is changing. When I do outreach, bright college-bound students are still limited to schools that are within bus distance. Unknowing of the college environment/expectations, Latino parents assume it will be like high school, where a student can walk/ride the bus to school, take their classes and can come home to take care of their siblings or prep for dinner. It is unfortunate, but it is a struggle we face. First generation Latino students deal with cultural dissonance, the struggle between college expectations and those of their parents. But as more Latinos go to college, the myths and the unknown disappear, and clearer expectations are seen for our college bound students. The change has begun; I see it! Through improving our college-going culture, the families of our first generation students learn the truth about higher education and the opportunities it provides their student, and eventually their family. With time and education, we move forward!

Even today, as I write this, I have the support of my mothers. The foundation they created; the value in education and determination for a better life, is what I build on today.


Inspired by Kanye West- Hey Mama!

Forrest Gump, mama said, life is like a box of chocolates
My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate
Somethin to fall back on, you could profit with
But still supported me when I did the opposite
Now I feel like it's things I gotta get
Things I gotta do, just to prove to you
You was getting through, can the choir please
Give me a verse of “You, Are So Beautiful To Me"
Can't you see, you're like a book of poetry
Maya Angelou, Nicky Giovanni, turn one page and there's my mommy
Come on mommy just dance wit me, let the whole world see your dancing feet
Now when I say Hey, yall say Mama, now everybody answer me (Hey Mama)

A post to keep me honest

We all have busy lives and semi-hectic schedules. Many times, we mention something to our friends and colleagues about something we want to do, create, or experience, then the next meeting or conference call derails us, and we forget. Enough! We cannot sit in meetings all day and let our dreams and passion fade away. So here are some things I am getting ready for:

American Assoc. of Hispanics in Higher Education (AAHHE) Graduate Fellow: AAHHE Fellow Information

CSU Pre-Doctoral Program: Pre-Doc Info

Fulbright Scholars Program: Fulbright Information

Bonus Link
California Forums for Diversity in Graduate Education:
Get that Higher Education

Counterstorytelling

As a person of color, adversity, prejudice, and systemic institutional oppression have been a part of my life. At this point, it has become easier to pinpoint the oppressive experiences of my past and realize the struggles I overcome.

I have begun to understand the meaning of being a minority, underrepresented, lower class and a person of color. For many years, these labels ascribed to me were seen as negative and provided a deficit thought. I was led to believe that my culture and identity dimensions were deficient and less valuable than the dominant White culture. Deficient thought finds minority cultures lacking value and insisting that our cultures cause low educational and occupational attainment (Yosso, 2006). This thinking has permeated U.S. Society and our educational system. Schools driven by the deficit model use a bank system of education: making our students passive bodies in learning, taught to acculturate/assimilate and accept the values of the dominant society (hooks, 1996; Freire, 1970). With time, experience, and education I have dispelled that deficit thinking and liberated my thoughts and actions. This rant reflects my experience in the educational pipeline and briefly covers themes of: education as a liberatory practice (Freire, 1970; hooks, 1996), critical race theory (Delgado & Stefancic, 2001), LatCrit and racial microaggression (Solorzano), and critical race counterstorytelling (Yosso, 2006).

Today, I will begin to share my counterstory and retrace the struggles I have had as a Chicano, coming from a low-income family and impoverished community to being a college graduate and working towards assisting mi guente along the educational pipeline. Counterstorytelling comes from a revolt against the general history and stories told through the perspective of those with racial and social privilege, “majoritarian storytelling” (Yosso, 2006). Counterstorytellin moves us from the legacy of racism and White privilege and introduces a method for people to validate their lived experience and share their “story” as they see it. Critical race counterstory recounts the experiences and perspectives of racially and socially marginalized people. It empowers our people and embraces our communities of color rich history of storytelling and oral traditions.

Growing up, only a church lot separated me and drugs, gang violence, and many of the issues that face our impoverished communities of color. Although, I still experienced the issues stated above, they were not directly outside my doorstep. I was lucky; I could avoid it, but my classmates, my friends, could not. It affected their daily life; arguments in the morning, domestic disturbances at night, older siblings slang, younger ones stealing, and everyday gang violence just to claim a street corner. In retrospect, I understand why many of my friends dropped out of school, were imprisoned, overdossed or were killed on the streets.

I come from janitors and seamstresses. In my family, if you were a man, you worked maintenance; if you were a female, you sewed.


That is all I have for today... this continues tomorrow.

Disappointment with the CSUs

Disillusioned; I believed in the California State University (CSU) System as the nation's #1 public higher education system. The CSU system provided access and affordability to all Californians seeking a postsecondary education, especially underrepresented students. I understand the global economic recession and the poor economy we face here in California. With this crisis, we have seen the federal government attempt to decrease the Pell Grant (although it will increase this fiscal year) and state government (Arny) attempt to TERMINATe(OR) the Cal Grant. At the same time, Chancellor Reed has called this period the "most devastating year" in the CSUs history; including cut in enrollment numbers, mandated furloughs, tuition hikes, and system-wide budget cuts at or above 200 million, with an overall 584 million budget deficit.


It is hard for me to still think that the CSU is the solution to bridging the achievement gap in Enrollment Rates, Persistence, & Degree Attainment. Staying positive is difficult, but I must! I am a product of the CSU system and stand by the transformational power this institution has on society. I hope the state and the CSU system can find a way to continue providing affordable and accessible education to all that seek it.

The CSU Board of Trustees will vote on the entire action plan to address the $584 million deficit at its July 21 meeting. For more info check out: http://tinyurl.com/nxgsjb

When tuition increases and financial aid decreases, many bright students are kept out of our institutions just because of the lack of objectified capital. These budget related decisions will definitely add to the problems facing our educational pipeline. As an educator, this makes me wondering how we can continue to provide access to higher education for all students who seek a postsecondary education.

Revival

So I have decided to start using this blog again. I removed most of the older blogs on this site, since they seemed irrelevant. Hopefully this blog can keep me organized with writing, researching, and expressing my ideas as I write my thesis to complete my Masters in May 2010. We will see!

Mexica Tiahui

College Summit

Get on my level, to reach me...
you'll need a space shuttle or a ladder that goes for eva!