Change the Channel!

There are some movies for me, that I hate to watch. I dislike the anxiety I get from anticipating "that scene." The intense scene, the death scene, the seen you wish could have an alternate version. Some films, I hate to watch because I know what happens next, but wish I could change, but know I cant.

In those particular movies, the scene is as raw and new has the first time I experienced it....

Independence Day: When the crazy dad, who was always ridiculed for believing in aliens, sacrifices himself to save the world, his family and flies his plane into the spaceship.

RENT: When 'with out you' plays you know that Angel's death is next. Angel is my favorite character: young, loving, Latino...but his death is untimely, reminding us 'life is short, do not put off your dreams...'


What movie(s) makes you feel the way I do?

If you dont love me, let me go...

So today has been a long day of research, reading, and reflection. I started off with doing my Professional Competencies research....that went well. Then I moved on to my research on racial microaggression and it led me to do a quick analysis of twitter and the overtly racist/prejudice tweets easily accessible on the site. Now, I am just reflecting on myself, my practice, and my life. I have always been an advocate of stereo therapy or just listen to music to make you feel better. Listening to a specific track can make me happy, make me remember good times or take me back twelve years. Music, its melody and lyrics, has the power to take you back in time, relive great or negative experiences, but overall music has the power to make you feel good. So either play a song with your earphones or blast the volume on your speakers and sing off the top of your lungs. Do it, it will make you feel great!


This blog will be a continuous blog, that includes a collection of verses that make me remember, relive, or reflect. I encourage you to comment and share what lyrics move you.


First Five:
The Decemberists: The Engine Driver
And if you don't love me let me go
I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones

Brand New: Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't
i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.

Kanye West: Tell Everyone you Know
Babygirl I'm finished
I thought we were committed
I thought we were cemented
I really thought we meant it
Cause we were once a fairy tale
But this is farewell

Notorious B.I.G.: Juicy
We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us
No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us
Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
'Cause I went from negative to positive
And it's all good...

Wicked: Defying Gravity
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

TSwift

Just an update

I was updating my Ed-Join.org profile and I came across the job description of 'Outreach Community Liaison.' Being in a position like that would be making up for all the opportunities my friends/students lacked growing up in Anaheim. I don't wanna be a "Catcher in the Rye" but this job is a difference maker, at least in its description. Helping at risk students stay on track to go to college, graduate HS, or just escape the streets, what more could a person ask to do in life?. The more and more I think about it, I love the K-12 System. Especially now with this "race to the top," we need people who will still focus on those students/schools that are left behind, the ones who are underestimated and misunderstood.

Job Description
Assist with the identification of the District’s at-risk students and recommend District schools and/or alternative education programs which would best serve the student’s individual education needs.

Communicate with each school in the District regarding attendance problems including no-shows, forty-five day referrals and other specific cases; work cooperatively with school, community and District personnel.

Oversee the operating procedures of the Outreach office and assign work to others as assigned by the position.

Maintain open communication with various community agencies and with local community centers; maintain current knowledge of gang awareness programs and gang prevention.

Locate and refer students on the street back into school.

Meet with and apprise the site administrator of daily activities; assist the site administrator in controlling potential issues as necessary.

Monitor, instruct and conduct negotiations with pupils, parents, administrators and others.

Assist with in-service of intern social workers.

Drive a personal vehicle to make home visits as necessary.


Minimum Qualifications
Graduation from high school supplemented by specialized training in working with high risk students and two years of experience dealing with high risk students in an educational institution.

Hello, My Name is Earl

So, lately I've been getting feedback about my personality and approachability. This is something I have work hard on for the last four years. I use to acknowledge that I was stoic and displayed a detachment form emotions, but now I understand that is not the best way to be. As always, I acknowledge my flaw and working on becoming a better version of me.

I don't want to be bubbly, but I also don't want to seem unapproachable or unhappy. Peoples feedback is usually "smile more," "show off your personality" or "its okay to show a piece of yourself, you don't always have to try to be perfect... let people see your cracks." I think I have had enough feedback to realize that I am not the most approachable person and that my personality doesn't send rays of sunshine. I am a happy person, I think I am a very social person, but I also tend not to invest "myself" easily. Time to move forward...

"I'm just trying to be a better person" -earl hickey

The Edge of Reason: Amount of time in a Day

Just like finishing a good book, finish a good blog is near impossible. A colleague of mine just shared

...good blog posts, like good college essays, come flowing out... work on the idea in your brain. then let it flow onto the screen... Thanks Jen!

For the last week I have been working on a blog about Defying Gravity aka being able to reach my dreams...but then I was frozen. Before writing that blog, I need to decide what those dreams were, which led me to a totally different discussion. I was talking about my current status, where the people who surround me: colleagues, peers, faculty, and mentors all encourage me and say my potential is limitless. Which is a stark contrast to what I was told in elementary and secondary school. But, that stuff is covered in the upcoming blog, completion date-->TBD.

So dreams and aspirations: I currently have many paths I can take after gradation, a Fulbright Research Grant, a Doctoral Program, move into an Outreach/Student Support services position, travel abroad or work as an educational researcher. I'm applying to a few different fellowship programs, research grants, and the Fulbright Scholarship program (maybe some doc programs too). These program all have personal statements that must accompany them. In thinking about writing them, I should just let the ideas flow. I am confident in my knowledge and mastery of ceratin educational areas: access,equity, educational pipeline, and issues that peratin to first generation students. As reminded earlier, what has worked for me is a piece of paper and pencil. My first drafts are always hand written and the content just "flows" out of my head, and usually these drafts led to great papers, articles, and the such. I just need to remember to simplify, take the time to sit down and write.


Also, I am disappointed with the amount of time I dedicate to reading. Currently on my desk at work, shelf at home, and passenger seat I have some great books half read. At work I have, "The Color of Success: Race and High Achieving Urban Youth" by Gil Conchas and "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell; in my room I have "Contemporary Latin American Social and Political Thought: An anthology" ed. by Ivan Marquez; and in my car I have Critical race counterstories along the chicana/chicano educational pipeline" by Tara Yosso and "Ethnicity matters: Rethinking how black, hispanic, and indian students prepare for and succeed in college" ed. by MaryBenton Lee. All these great books, which I started with such enthusiasm, I just dropped by the wayside. I am sorry to the manuscripts I have undervalued and left unfinished. I promise you all I will read and enjoy the pages that were carefully crafted by your authors. And yes, these are my "reading for enjoyment" books. In the last couple days, I have been nagged to read fictional books and the such, but lack an interest in reading them.

Hey Mama, Thanks for that Inspiration!

Maternal Love: Support and Limitation.

My mom and GMa (mothers) have been my #1 supporters. I am lucky to have had two people in my life provide unconditional love and unrelenting support for my dreams and aspirations. They showcased a strong work ethic and resiliency, something I could model my life after.

The support has been there all my life, from preschool to college, and it still follows me now. My mothers provided me with the resources I needed to succeed; the academic culture was embedded in my life as a toddler. I can remember being four years old and spend my afternoons at the Anaheim Central Public Library. I walked there after school and staying away from the trouble in my neighborhood. I read books about whales, fall of the Roman Empire, and volcanoes. I would stay until closing time, hearing the bedtime stories read at 8pm. It was my home away from home; my grandma instilled a strong educational background founded on reading.

I don’t remember when it happened, between my mothers focus on education, absorbing the environment of the library, and personal initiative, I took on a scholar identity. As a student, I always tried my best and anything less was disappointing. I remember, always striving for the “High Flyer” award given to students who showed great academic ability during a particular month. When I was recognized for my achievements, it was hard for my mothers to attend the assembly when the awards were giving. My mothers, they both worked all day, and missed most of the assemblies. It was usually only twice a year were I could show off my school work and have my teachers say how great I was: Back to School Night/ Parent Conferences.

As Latinos, there is part of our culture that limits the opportunities of our children. Something I would call Latino filial piety, where we must obey our parents at all cost because the always know best. There is a generalization in the Latino Community that our parents keep us at home until we are 30 or burden us to assist in bread winning at a young age (Limit our social, individual, and intellectual growth and development). These generalizations were true for me; I started working at twelve cleaning offices with my parents. Upon graduating high school, I was limited in distance to attending a college within minutes of my parents home. But what else could I expect? My mother, my cousins, and other Latino friends lived with their parents until age 27, 30 and beyond. Education is a priority, but we set geographic limitations and expect higher education to conform to our terms/norms. They want us to get educated, but do not understand the difference between Fullerton College, Cal State Fullerton, and UCLA. To my family, they were all the same…they were all just colegios. This is part of the Latino culture, especially for immigrant parents, that needs to change…that is changing. When I do outreach, bright college-bound students are still limited to schools that are within bus distance. Unknowing of the college environment/expectations, Latino parents assume it will be like high school, where a student can walk/ride the bus to school, take their classes and can come home to take care of their siblings or prep for dinner. It is unfortunate, but it is a struggle we face. First generation Latino students deal with cultural dissonance, the struggle between college expectations and those of their parents. But as more Latinos go to college, the myths and the unknown disappear, and clearer expectations are seen for our college bound students. The change has begun; I see it! Through improving our college-going culture, the families of our first generation students learn the truth about higher education and the opportunities it provides their student, and eventually their family. With time and education, we move forward!

Even today, as I write this, I have the support of my mothers. The foundation they created; the value in education and determination for a better life, is what I build on today.


Inspired by Kanye West- Hey Mama!

Forrest Gump, mama said, life is like a box of chocolates
My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate
Somethin to fall back on, you could profit with
But still supported me when I did the opposite
Now I feel like it's things I gotta get
Things I gotta do, just to prove to you
You was getting through, can the choir please
Give me a verse of “You, Are So Beautiful To Me"
Can't you see, you're like a book of poetry
Maya Angelou, Nicky Giovanni, turn one page and there's my mommy
Come on mommy just dance wit me, let the whole world see your dancing feet
Now when I say Hey, yall say Mama, now everybody answer me (Hey Mama)

A post to keep me honest

We all have busy lives and semi-hectic schedules. Many times, we mention something to our friends and colleagues about something we want to do, create, or experience, then the next meeting or conference call derails us, and we forget. Enough! We cannot sit in meetings all day and let our dreams and passion fade away. So here are some things I am getting ready for:

American Assoc. of Hispanics in Higher Education (AAHHE) Graduate Fellow: AAHHE Fellow Information

CSU Pre-Doctoral Program: Pre-Doc Info

Fulbright Scholars Program: Fulbright Information

Bonus Link
California Forums for Diversity in Graduate Education:
Get that Higher Education

Counterstorytelling

As a person of color, adversity, prejudice, and systemic institutional oppression have been a part of my life. At this point, it has become easier to pinpoint the oppressive experiences of my past and realize the struggles I overcome.

I have begun to understand the meaning of being a minority, underrepresented, lower class and a person of color. For many years, these labels ascribed to me were seen as negative and provided a deficit thought. I was led to believe that my culture and identity dimensions were deficient and less valuable than the dominant White culture. Deficient thought finds minority cultures lacking value and insisting that our cultures cause low educational and occupational attainment (Yosso, 2006). This thinking has permeated U.S. Society and our educational system. Schools driven by the deficit model use a bank system of education: making our students passive bodies in learning, taught to acculturate/assimilate and accept the values of the dominant society (hooks, 1996; Freire, 1970). With time, experience, and education I have dispelled that deficit thinking and liberated my thoughts and actions. This rant reflects my experience in the educational pipeline and briefly covers themes of: education as a liberatory practice (Freire, 1970; hooks, 1996), critical race theory (Delgado & Stefancic, 2001), LatCrit and racial microaggression (Solorzano), and critical race counterstorytelling (Yosso, 2006).

Today, I will begin to share my counterstory and retrace the struggles I have had as a Chicano, coming from a low-income family and impoverished community to being a college graduate and working towards assisting mi guente along the educational pipeline. Counterstorytelling comes from a revolt against the general history and stories told through the perspective of those with racial and social privilege, “majoritarian storytelling” (Yosso, 2006). Counterstorytellin moves us from the legacy of racism and White privilege and introduces a method for people to validate their lived experience and share their “story” as they see it. Critical race counterstory recounts the experiences and perspectives of racially and socially marginalized people. It empowers our people and embraces our communities of color rich history of storytelling and oral traditions.

Growing up, only a church lot separated me and drugs, gang violence, and many of the issues that face our impoverished communities of color. Although, I still experienced the issues stated above, they were not directly outside my doorstep. I was lucky; I could avoid it, but my classmates, my friends, could not. It affected their daily life; arguments in the morning, domestic disturbances at night, older siblings slang, younger ones stealing, and everyday gang violence just to claim a street corner. In retrospect, I understand why many of my friends dropped out of school, were imprisoned, overdossed or were killed on the streets.

I come from janitors and seamstresses. In my family, if you were a man, you worked maintenance; if you were a female, you sewed.


That is all I have for today... this continues tomorrow.

Disappointment with the CSUs

Disillusioned; I believed in the California State University (CSU) System as the nation's #1 public higher education system. The CSU system provided access and affordability to all Californians seeking a postsecondary education, especially underrepresented students. I understand the global economic recession and the poor economy we face here in California. With this crisis, we have seen the federal government attempt to decrease the Pell Grant (although it will increase this fiscal year) and state government (Arny) attempt to TERMINATe(OR) the Cal Grant. At the same time, Chancellor Reed has called this period the "most devastating year" in the CSUs history; including cut in enrollment numbers, mandated furloughs, tuition hikes, and system-wide budget cuts at or above 200 million, with an overall 584 million budget deficit.


It is hard for me to still think that the CSU is the solution to bridging the achievement gap in Enrollment Rates, Persistence, & Degree Attainment. Staying positive is difficult, but I must! I am a product of the CSU system and stand by the transformational power this institution has on society. I hope the state and the CSU system can find a way to continue providing affordable and accessible education to all that seek it.

The CSU Board of Trustees will vote on the entire action plan to address the $584 million deficit at its July 21 meeting. For more info check out: http://tinyurl.com/nxgsjb

When tuition increases and financial aid decreases, many bright students are kept out of our institutions just because of the lack of objectified capital. These budget related decisions will definitely add to the problems facing our educational pipeline. As an educator, this makes me wondering how we can continue to provide access to higher education for all students who seek a postsecondary education.

Revival

So I have decided to start using this blog again. I removed most of the older blogs on this site, since they seemed irrelevant. Hopefully this blog can keep me organized with writing, researching, and expressing my ideas as I write my thesis to complete my Masters in May 2010. We will see!

Mexica Tiahui